Raising children without faith

This is a bit of a detail, but if you have young children or think that you might someday, it can be an important one.

Most people are inclined to bring up their children in their own beliefs – or non-beliefs. But many non-believers – especially those who were themselves raised in a religious tradition – think that they should expose their children to religion.

Some do it because they still remember the sentimental, emotionally appealing side of religion, including the mystery and pageantry (fun for kids!) that many religions offer. Some do it because they realize that religion has been and continues to be an important part of our culture, and they want their children to experience it as part of their education. Some even do it as a form of inoculation: if the youngsters get enough involuntary church attendance and boring religious instruction in their early years, perhaps they will be less susceptible to religious proselytizers later in life.

All of these reasons are potentially valid, and parents must follow their own hearts in such matters. But indoctrinating children with beliefs you consider to be false is a dangerous practice. Some children will accept those beliefs, and some will make your life difficult on account of it.

Writing as a parent myself, I believe that one honors one’s children best by sharing one’s own beliefs more and more fully as the children become older, more capable of understanding, and more curious, and by not fostering beliefs that are counter to one’s own. (For that matter, you don’t have to pretend that Santa Claus is real, either; children love to pretend, especially if there are presents involved, and you can explain Santa Claus as a fun story from the beginning rather than as a “reality” that they will later discover was misrepresented.)

When it comes to God and related beliefs, you can be similarly honest. You can acknowledge that some people (maybe including grandma and grandpa) believe that there is a heaven and a God watching over us, but that we don’t believe this – and that’s why we don’t go to church when others do. But when you, the child, are older and want to make up your own mind, you can go to church or not, as you please. This is respectful and honest. When the child gets older, you can educate him or her about the Bible and about other people’s beliefs in more detail, if you feel that that is important. And you can educate him or her about your own beliefs.

Respect and honesty are the keys, though. If you treat children that way, they will learn that those are important values. They will also be much more willing to communicate their own feelings and thoughts, even in their teenage years, if you have always given them the respect that they deserve as persons increasingly separate from you.

You needn’t cram anti-religious feelings down their throats, either, though. That may be honest, if you feel that way, but it is not respectful – especially if you have religious friends or relatives. Respect and love are the greatest gifts you can give your children, in all areas of life. Keep that in mind, and make your decisions from there.

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